Blog: Do You Even Lift, Bro?

The whole point was to start typing and see what came out. At least, I think that’s what the whole point of having a blog was. Play through the pain, so to speak. There is no such thing as writer’s block when you’re a bad writer… and so much for that right now.

I remember being a teenager and telling people I was going to become a published author and a high school dropout. Now, I have a GED and one copy of a self published collection of short stories. So the diploma means I’m not a high school dropout anymore and a self published book doesn’t really count. It was called Mini Mind Fucks and I released it under my real name. It sold one copy, which I think I still have. I still have the content of the book, but it’s not available anywhere. I might dig through it one day and turn the stories that are worth a shit into something worth releasing.

That is kind of what I expect the future for me to be. A collection of short stories, poorly written and barely selling. That’s not even really true. I think I’m more scared of Demon Vikings From Newfoundland selling a million copies than ten or less. If you haven’t been around long enough to know what Demon Vikings From Newfoundland is, it’s a short story I wrote and read for episode 35 of The Johnny Whitetrash Show. I think it was episode 35, could have been 34 and I’m not looking it up right now. Seasons 1-4 of The Johnny Whitetrash Show are on a different website for now.

Holy shit, I don’t even want to proofread what I’ve written so far.

Today an idea for a comedy bit popped into my head today. I could write it out and work on it or at least make some bullet points, but I think the best thing for me to do is figure it out as I go on the next episode of the podcast. That’s the way I like to do things. Hit record and see what happens. Usually leads to completely ignoring all the things I thought I was going to say. A similar thing is happening to this blog right now.

The main reason I wanted to start typing was to blow the cobwebs out of my brain. Get motivated to finally release Demon Vikings. Work on Demon Vikings 2. Work on Serial Killers Inc. And even publish a collection of blogs one day. Thinking of doing that like a year end thing. Pick the best blogs, maybe polish them up a little and release it on Amazon. Which reminds me, I need to fill out a W7 form or some other American paperwork. Or was that just Patreon?

Every now and then I think of restarting my Patreon. Like right now because I’m fucking broke. My bank account was in the negative less than 24 hours after payday. All too real of a scenario for everyone they tricked into getting a credit card. Now is not the time to talk about the bullshit that is modern finances. I will simply say they’re out to get to you and it’s modern slavery. More on that after sports…

I’m not actually going to talk about sports right now.

I was just sent a picture from a catalogue of long underwear that leaves your ass crack exposed. It also has a plastic ring shaped thing that hold your penis in place. Because these are the things that happen at this time of the morning in Facebook Messenger. I’m just going to keep sipping my locally brewed red ale and write about something else.

Jesus, did I just write that? I’ve turned into one of them. Those craft beer snobs. Oh well, it was only a matter of time.

I really do want to write some pulpy short stories. I like that sort of thing. Sell them as singles and then as collections. Get rich. Or at least out of debt. Honestly, of all the projects I tried to make it with, my writing is the one thing I’m scared of seriously attempting to push out there. And fuck all that for right now. I need to start writing more. I need to record more podcasts. I haven’t painted my office yet and that’s no fucking excuse. I can’t afford to buy the paint. That was kind of an excuse.

My beer is empty and I think this is a good first attempt. I’ve been fairly inactive for the last few days, okay almost a week. Tomorrow I’ll record a podcast. It’s going to be about God loving dolphins more than us. Tune in for that.

Oh yeah, I titled this post a few days ago. I’ve been lifting weights and thought I wanted to write about that. My beer is empty.